North Shore Afternoon

Lately I’ve found myself spending more and more time in the suburbs.

Yesterday my sister and I drove up toward Wilmette Beach, though I still accidentally call it Roslyn Beach half the time. There’s something about it that feels different from the beaches downtown. Even though there’s technically an admission fee, the atmosphere feels softer somehow. Less performative. People seem to arrive there with the simple intention of existing for a while tanning in the sun, reading a book, floating in the water, listening to music quietly beside each other.

When I was younger, I loved Oak Street Beach and Ohio Street Beach. Maybe because back then I was going for the very reason everyone else was…to gather, to socialize, to feel swallowed up by the energy of summer and the city. The crowds never bothered me because I wanted to be inside them.

Now prefer quieter spaces.

Funny enough, somewhere along the way I developed social anxiety. An occupational hazard perhaps, considering the nature of my life and the amount of time I spend perceived by others. You would think constant exposure would make someone more comfortable being watched, but sometimes it does the opposite.

Lately I’ve become attached to my sunglasses in a way I never used to be. They’ve turned into a small layer between me and the world. Not to disappear exactly, just enough to feel comfortable moving through it.