Losing a thought

I had a thought just now and I can feel it slipping.

Which isn’t surprising, honestly. I’ve always been pretty familiar with losing things. As a matter of fact, my mom used to say I’d lose my head if it weren’t attached.

And she wasn’t wrong.

Just small things. Thoughts, mostly. Little ideas that feel important for a second, like I should grab them, write them down, hold onto them and then I don’t. And they fade anyway.

I do it all the time. Not just objects, but moments, feelings, versions of myself I thought would stick around longer. Things come and go so naturally it almost feels like that’s the real constant.

Maybe losing is something we’re supposed to be better at. Like something we should practice instead of avoid.

Every once in a while, just let something go on purpose. Nothing major just enough to remind yourself that you only have two hands. Hold too much and suddenly you can’t reach for anything else.

Because there’s always something you could go without. There has to be. You don’t even have to go looking for it… but maybe you should, just to see what it feels like.

I keep wondering if you get used to losing, does it make the bigger losses easier?

I don’t think so.

Loss feels new every time. No matter how many times you’ve done it before, it still shows up like something unfamiliar.

But still… I feel like I’m always aware it’s coming. Not in a heavy way, just in a real way.

Like everything is on a swing.

That’s what the thought was, I think. Or at least part of it.

Everything moves. Back and forth. You hold something, then you don’t. You feel one way, then it shifts. The pendulum doesn’t stay still it just pauses long enough to make you think it might.

And I’m happy. I really am.

But I think my version of happiness comes with that awareness that it’s not fixed. It’s moving, just like everything else. Not disappearing, not breaking…just changing.